NDSU Department of Child Development and Family Science
North Dakota Department of Human Services
June 1998
James E. Deal, Ph.D., Associate Professor and Chair, Department of Child Development and Family Science, North Dakota State University 283 EML, Fargo, ND 58105
Geraldine Bosch, M.S., 4-H Youth Development Specialist, Extension 4-H and Youth, North Dakota State University
Gregory F. Sanders, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Department of Child Development and Family Science, and Associate Dean, College of Human Development and Education, North Dakota State University
Daniel J. Klenow, Ph.D., Professor, Department of Sociology, North Dakota State University
Parental divorce affects many North Dakota children each year, and a number of negative outcomes have been documented for children who have experienced a family breakup. Loyalty conflicts are especially stressful for children and are affected largely by parents' actions during and following the divorce.
The North Dakota Extension State University Service provides an educational program designed to help parents help their children through a divorce. The purpose of the current paper is to describe this program and present an evaluation of it.
Overall, parents indicated that the program contributed to their understanding of how children experience divorce and influenced their behavior related to issues of divorce affecting their children.
By age 15, approximately one-third of all children in the United States will have experienced a family breakup (Furstennberg, Nord, Peterson, & Zill, 1983) and divorce hits over one million children each year (Public Health Service, 1995). The experience of children following the divorce of parents has been documented in detail through a considerable body of research. The purpose of the present paper is to examine the effects of a program designed to help parents help their children through a divorce.
Children respond emotionally to divorce with feelings of anger, denial, fear, and sadness and experience physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach aches and bed wetting (Bonkowski, 1987). Parental conflict following divorce further contributes to poor adjustment of children (Hetherington, Cox & Cox, 1982) as does lack of visitation by the noncustodial parent (Kruk, 1992).
Loyalty conflicts are also a common experience for children (Boszormenyi-Nagy & Krasner, 1986), and parents often intensify those feelings through continued conflict with one-another. Further, many parents place demands on their children for loyalty toward them and disloyalty toward the other spouse (Wallerstein & Kelly, 1980). Children rated "being caught in the middle" as one of the 10 most stressful experiences (Wolchik, Sandler, Braver, & Fogas, 1985). Wallerstein (1989) suggested that continued conflict between parents was the most common reason for poor adjustment in children following divorce.
Braver, Salem, Pearson and DeLusé (1996) surveyed 102 divorce education programs and found the most frequently covered topics were the effects of divorce on children and the benefits of parental cooperation. A number of these types of programs have been developed with the specific goals of helping decrease negative effects of divorce on children, mostly through education and skill development in parents and increased parental cooperation/decreased conflict. In one project, high school students whose parents were divorced responded to a questionnaire regarding typical ways children were put in the middle of divorced parents and the stress they experienced as a result. Parents were given a summary of this information on the types and effects of parental conflict that places children in the middle. Simply receiving this information produced a significant change in parental behaviors (Kurkowski, Gordon, & Arbuthnot, 1993).
Another program offered four two-hour sessions providing information on effects of divorce on children, separating needs of children from the needs of parents, custody law, and communication and negotiation. Participating parents experienced significant positive changes in attitude about cooperation and communication (Zibbell, 1992). Frieman, Garon, and Mandell (1994) found that parents who attended two three-hour sessions on children of separation and divorce became more knowledgeable about how divorce affects children and how children cope with divorce, and felt they could be proactive in helping children deal with these issues.
This research indicates both the difficulties children encounter as a result of divorce experiences and the types of efforts being made to make the divorce of parents less stressful for children. The purposes of the current paper are to describe a Children of Divorce program for parents currently being offered in North Dakota and to present the evaluation of that program. The specific research questions for this study included:
Children of Divorce: A Parenting Program is an educational workshop that combines knowledge from research, family education, and therapy. This four hour parenting workshop is organized for parents who are divorced or in the process of divorce. The program helps parents understand the impact of the divorce on their children and provides specific concrete actions that parents can take to help their children. It is not a counseling session but focuses on "what to do" and "how to help" children during and after divorce. The goal is to benefit children by working directly with the parents in an educational setting. The intent of this program is to provide specific education on the effects of divorce on children and to encourage parents to focus on the needs of their children and separate them from their own needs as parents and former spouses. The program content includes four units:
(A) Divorce - A Form of Change, explaining divorce to children and an overview of the impact on children;
(B) Communication Guidelines, what your children want to know, dos and don'ts of communication, divorce as warfare, and grief;
(C) Children's Reactions to Divorce, understanding children's reaction to divorce based on developmental levels, and helpful behaviors for parents;
(D) Effective Co-Parenting, effective methods and appropriate resources.
Specific program guidelines have been developed to promote an optimum learning environment for parents. These include:
The data presented in this report were originally collected by Klenow (1997). From April 1994 to December 1996, approximately 130 individuals participated in Children of Divorce (COD) workshops; 63 of these (48%) were contacted by phone, and responded to an 18 question survey instrument asking about their experiences in the workshop and during the ensuing time. Thirteen items measured parental perceptions of the program. These items focused on the effects of the program on understanding the impact of divorce and parental conflict on children, developmental issues related to children's response to divorce, feelings of children regarding responsibility for the divorce, and the need for consistent routines following a divorce. Items also focused on how parental behavior had changed as a result of the program in areas of lawyer contact, cooperation and communication with ex-spouse, and ability to help children deal with losses.
Participants were also asked whether the program should be mandatory and whether they were glad they attended. The response categories for these items ranged from strongly agree to strongly disagree (on the 5 point scale, 5=strongly agree). Parents were also asked how interested they were in more sessions and in receiving a newsletter on children and divorce. Open-ended questions were asked to gather examples of how workshop material was used, topics respondents would like to learn more about, and ways in which the information made a difference. Of these 63 individuals, 8% had completed the program in 1994, 38% had completed in 1995, and 54% had completed in 1996, with length of time since completion ranging from two months to 34 months. At the time of the interview, 17.5% of the respondents were in the process of divorcing, 20.6% reported having divorced "recently," 54% reported divorcing within the past one to five years, and 7.9% reported having been divorced more than five years.
- Not to communicate through the children
- No longer talk to my kids about my ex-wife
- Being more open and straightforward with the children
- Not talking negatively about ex-spouse
- It reminded me to tell kids they are not responsible for the divorce
Table 1. Evaluation responses to Children of Divorce Program.
Strongly Strongly
Item Agree Agree Neutral Disagree Disagree
------------------------------------------------------------------------
5 4 3 2 1
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Better understanding 29.7%(19) 53.1%(34) 12.5%(8) 3.1%(2) 1.6%(1)
of effects on
children
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Information 21.9%(14) 59.4%(38) 12.5%(8) 4.7%(3) 1.6%(1)
influenced decision
making about my
children
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Making a stronger 21.0%(13) 46.8%(29) 21.0%(13) 6.5%(4) 4.8%(3)
effort to work with
ex-spouse
------------------------------------------------------------------------
More aware of 38.1%(24) 49.2%(31) 9.5%(6) 3.2%(2) 0.0%(0)
warning signals
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Understanding of how 36.5%(23) 49.2%(31) 11.1%(7) 3.2%(2) 0.0%(0)
children feel
responsible for
divorce
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Realize the 52.4%(33) 34.9%(22) 11.1%(7) 1.6%(1) 0.0%(0)
importance of a
child's routine
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tried new ways to 6.6%(3) 52.5%(32) 24.6%(15) 11.5%(7) 4.9%(3)
communicate with
ex-spouse
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Learned not to use 50.8%(32) 33.3%(21) 14.3%(9) 0.0%(0) 1.6%(1)
child as messenger
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Able to help 27.4%(17) 58.1%(36) 12.9%(8) 1.6%(1) 0.0%(0)
child(ren) deal
with loss
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now aware that 49.2%(31) 46.0%(29) 3.2%(2) 1.6%(1) 0.0%(0)
children react
differently
to divorce
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Parents also indicated other behaviors/actions they had tried since the workshop:
- Patience with children
- Purchased children's books related to divorce
- Being able to go back and review emotions/feelings from child's perspective
They also agreed that the class influenced them to make a stronger effort to work with their ex-spouse for the sake of the children (47% Agree; 21% Strongly Agree) and that they had tried new ways to communicate with their ex-spouse concerning the children (53% Agree; 7% Strongly Agree). However, only 8% responded "yes" to the question "Has the information that you learned in the Children of Divorce sessions led to less time being spent on legal issues and attorney involvement in your divorce?"
The workshop sponsored by the North Dakota State University Extension Service, "Children of Divorce: A Parenting Program," is similar to other programs of this type in both content and outcome. Responses to the evaluation indicated changes in attitudes and behaviors for parents who have children. Specifically, parents indicated that the program contributed to their understanding of how children experience divorce and influenced their behavior related to issues of divorce affecting their children.
Although the sample to date inhibits making a strong interpretation of the relations between the specific learning items and behavioral items, the trend does indicate that parents who believe they learn more from the program are also more likely to change their parenting behaviors.
Further research is needed using a control group of divorcing parents to study differences between those who have had the program and those who have not. In addition, the long term impact of the program needs to be assessed through surveying the parents periodically for several years following the program. Other issues need to be studied to assess the generalizability of the program. For example, the current participants were mostly voluntary attendees. Although 84% of the respondents feel the program should be mandatory, we need to evaluate whether the program will be as effective for mandatory attendees. Perhaps most important is the need to study the experience of children whose parents have or have not had the program. The current study, as well as most research to date, has focused on the parent's perception of the program and its value.
Currently, the Children of Divorce program has spread beyond its original focus on North Dakota's Cass County to other areas in the state. In addition, the program will soon be available to Minnesota residents who, when divorcing, are now mandated by the Minnesota Court System to attend a parenting education class for divorcing parents. A program for children whose parents are divorcing has also been developed.
Bonkowski, S. (1987). Kids are non-divorceable. Chicago: Buckly.
Boszormenyi-Nagy, I. and Krasner, B. (1986). Between give and take: A clinical guide to contextual therapy. New York: Bruner/Mazel.
Braver, S., Salem, P., Pearson, J., and DeLusé, S. (1996). The content of divorce education programs: Results of a survey. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 34(1), 41-59.
Frieman, B., Garon, R., Mandell, B. (1994). Parenting seminars for divorcing parents. Social Work, 39(5), 607-610.
Furstennberg, F., Nord, C., Peterson, J., and Zill, N. (1983). The life course of children of divorce: Marital disruption and parental contact. American Sociological Review, 48, 667.
Hetherington, M.E., Cox, F., and Cox, R. (1982). Effects of divorce on parents and children. In M. Lamb (Ed.), Non-traditional families (pp.233-388). Hillsdale, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum.
Klenow, D. (1997). Children of Divorce longitudinal evaluation survey. Fargo, ND: North Dakota Extension Service.
Kruk, E. (1992). Psychological and structural factors contributing to the disengagement of noncustodial fathers after divorce. Family and Conciliation Courts Review, 30, 81-101.
Kurkowski, K., Gordon, D., & Arbuthnot, J. (1993). Children caught in the middle: A brief educational intervention for divorced parents. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 20 (3/4), 139-151.
Public Health Service (1995). Annual summary of births, marriages, divorces, and deaths: United States, 1994. Monthly Vital Statistics Reports, 43 (13), 5.
Wallerstein, J. (August, 1989). Children of divorce. Workshop sponsored by Albert Einstein College of Medicine, Eastham, MA.
Wallerstein, J. and Kelly, J. (1980). Beyond the breakup. New York: Basic Books.
Zibbell, R. A. (1992). A short-term, small-group education and counseling program for separated and divorced parents in conflict. Journal of divorce and remarriage, 18 (1/2), 189-203.
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The North Dakota Journal of Human Services, June 1998